Random Thoughts I've had over the years.

I'm thinking most religions teach that murder has to be more pleasurable than sex. If you pleasure yourself some say you might go to hell for it someday. If you commit suicide you go lots of people say you go straight to hell.

I'm a professional wrestling fan so in the early hours of the morning before leaving work when I'm just there to sit alone and ponder I think of other things that may be pretend or "a work" just to take money away from people. I wonder when the Pope is going to break kayfabe.

Oh what a tangled web we weave! By we I mean the spider and I. Well, I guess I didn't do any of the weaving, but I supervised so I'm just as responsible. Like I said though, it's a tangled web, so it won't do. We've tried to untangle it, but it just ain't gonna happen folks. So I'm going to cut it with scissors. The spider won't have a home then, and knowing him he won't want to weave a new web. Perhaps he can just get a studio apartment. Those are pretty cheap.

Is there such a thing as something that is obviously ambiguous? If so I would think that everything that was ambiguous would be an obvious manner my next question would be if there was anything that would be ambiguously ambiguous?

There's this song by a group called Divinyls. Are maybe Dinvinyls is a person. I don't know. Anyway, there/her most famous song was "I Touch Myself". I always thought it'd be cool if some angsty group or singer covered the song but replaced the word touch with cut.

I would never tell anybody they were ugly. I don't think I would any way. Maybe if they were so ugly that it pissed me off. That, or if someone was really smug about their ugliness.

I saw this picture of sheep brains once. They were all brown. I wonder if my brains are brown like that. I'm guessing probably not. They're probably gray like my heart. If you eat too many organ meats they say that you can get gout. I wish unicorns existed. You could hunt them. Can you imagine the profit from the horn? Can you imagine the joy on a child's face when he gets to ride one? Better yet, can you imagine the melancholly look on the parents' faces when they realize that they just paid $50 so little Jonny could ride a unicorn. I would like to eat a unicorn. I wouldn't eat a horse, but a unicorn is special.

Do you know where chicken McNuggets come from? I'll tell you. The Grimace (who is shaped like a giant McNugget) and Birdie (a chicken) had sex. She laid her eggs, but when they hatched the children were already dead because the genes didn't mix. They were little, dead, grimace shaped chickens. They were born dead and ready to fry.

I woke up after a nap. Immediately after waking up a question came to me. "Where do scones go to heaven?" Scones, as in the fancy cookies some people enjoy with coffee. Heaven, in my mind, would be the place where God and the angels live. Also, as in the place where people who are arbitrarily deemed good go when they die in Judeo-Christian and the Muslim faiths. I immediately dismissed the question as nonsense and told myself that scones don't go to heaven. The question continued to bother me though. It was not the question itself, but the earnest manner in which I had asked the question that unsettled me. Seconds after asking the question I realized how silly it was, but the moment I had asked it I was completely serious. After I had answered the question it still kept echoing in my mind with the same genuineness it had when I first woke up. It was like part of my mind would not let go of the question. There was part of me that would not allow the question to be dismissed as foolishness. I thought this must be how crazy people feel all the time. I got up, drank a little water, and decided to write this. Part of me is still a little bothered as I finish this. The lesson is not to drink 4 cups of coffee and then force yourself to go to sleep. It is, or was, July 1, 2006. It is, or was, 3:02 in the afternoon and I am, or was, done writing.

I'm getting some money in a class action law suit. About six months ago I was at this monster truck show. They charged us for the whole seat when they knew damn well we would only be using the edge. The edge is about 1/4 of a seat legally. The tickets were $20 so a bunch of people are getting at least $15 back. Who knows what kind of money we'll get for emotional damages. I mean, I just can't trust another Monster Truck show again. Usually they scream something about charging you for the whole seat when you'll only be using the edge, but this time they forgot to put that in any of the advertisements for the show. Some guy thought he was a smart ass for calling them on their shit, but apparently we have a case.

You know how couples are registered at Target for weddings? I was thinking about picking a couple I didn't know, buy some sfuff from their list, and then keeping the appliances for myself so they wouldn't get it. It would be something to think about if I ever bought a house.