Why do strangers keep shoving money at you?

I know, I KNOW, we're not supposed to judge or stereotype our fellow man, but that's some seriously counter-intuitive shit. We can't help it, our brains are designed to categorize. When we come into contact with other human beings, we immediately assess them based on what we can ostensibly garner. These observations may very well turn out to be entirely false, but we make them just the same. We need to contextualize each other in order make sense of the world, and anytime someone jams our radar, it nags at us. There are certain groups of people who are especially perplexing, who give me serious pause while deciding how to categorize them. Every time I step out in public, I'm faced with several conundrums.

1. Pregnant vs. Lopsidedly fat: This is the most common offense, and it's a risky mistake to make. If a woman is pregnant, it would seem almost rude not to congratulate her on her impending motherhood, on the other hand, if I say fucking "Mozel tov!" to a woman who is not pregnant, there's a good chance a) she's going to go home and cry or b) she's going to beat the living shit out of me with her purse.

2. Gay vs. European: I know what you're thinking, what's the difference, right? I guess in Europe, the metrosexual thing is tres chic, but here in the good ol' U.S. of A., it kinda just makes you seem gay (or at least open to experimentation). The only real danger in fucking this up is that it's kind of bewildering to have to ask myself, "Is this dude being so nice to me becaust he wants to be my shopping buddy or my fuck buddy?"

3. Hippie who hasn't showered in a month vs. Actual homeless person: First of all, I'm not in any way shape or form a proponent of bathing strikes. There are more proactive ways to free Tibet. Sure, sometimes when you're in a really degenerate mood, 48-hours could theoretically go by, but at the end of those two days, any normal person is going to be fucking disgusted with themselves, bite the bullet, strip down and soap up. Aside from that, shame on you for impersonating someone less fortunate than yourself. There are tons of people in this country who are actually homeless and rely on the charity of passers-by. I fucking hate when I go up to bedraggled looking stranger, sitting on the sidewalk downtown and offer him half a pizza only to discover that he's just waiting for his friends to show up for their mid-afternoon hackey-sack game.

There are clearly a lot of instances where not being able to make initial assumptions could really hinder social interaction. What if I mistake an actual nerd for a hipster-douche trying to be ironic? What if I mistake the hypochondriac who lives across the hall for a fellow Jew? What if I mistake the guy having a seizure and vomiting uncontrollably for just another drunk asshole? Seriously, stop letting the lines blur! If people don't start observing the confines of their stereotypes more strictly, things could get dangerous.

Scum your Idols

Anyone else really fucking sick of reading about celebrity stints in rehab and jail? When I went to cnn.com yesterday to see what was going on in the world, and what I got was Paris Hilton's face front and center, it got me thinking...

What, really, is the difference between Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan and Shanay'nay the crazy crack-whore who hangs out in front of the liquor store? Besides (obviously) income, I'd argue that Lindsay and Shanay'nay (or at least RDJ and Shanay'nay) are, for all intents and purposes, the same.

Lindsay shops for coke from passers-by in elite night clubs, Shanay'nay shops for coke from passers-by. Lindsay makes a mess of herself in the public eye, Shanay'nay makes a mess of herself in public. Lindsay checks into upscale rehab centers, Shanay'nay gets picked up by the fuzz. Both promise to stay clean, both fail. The similarities are staggering.

Still, somehow we idolize one and regard the other with the utmost contempt. I wonder what that says about us as a society, that our idols and our scum are, in essence, the same people...oooh, I know! Our idols are scum? Scum your idols? What?

The thing is, Shanay'nay's crack addiction is probably considerably more valid than Lindsay's (Not that I have the authority to validate anyone's addiction). 'Cuz really, what's Lindsay need an escape from? All that whiney celebrity bullshit about all the pressure of constantly being on display, I don't buy it. Unless you're Steve Bartman, or that guy with TB, or Elian Gonzales, you're generally not famous by accident. Being in the public eye is part and parcel of being a star, there has never been any serious evidence to the contrary. So, the sob story about how all the pressure drove you to your drug addiction? Fuck you. Your fame just gave you the money to buy the good shit. Shanay'nay on the other hand, was probably neglected, or more likely abused as a child, probably never had truly sufficient education, probably has only ever worked minimum wage jobs that don't pay the bills, never had a loving supportive family who gave a fuck if she did crack, etc. Shanay'nay probably has the kind of problems from which crack does seem like a viable escape. **I'd like to note here: crack is never a viable escape. When you think about it, we should actually be MORE sympathetic to Shanay'nay's plight than to Lindsay's.

What's that you say? But Lindsay's got a nicer rack?

Pshhhhh, you clearly haven't seen Shanay'nay flash creepy-rascal-riding-guy for a dollar.

Booyah.

Y....M....C....A!!!!

more to come as I learn to draw

New People!

I'd like to welcome our first round of new contributors.




Nomi Kane, will be delighting us with her rants on who knows what, but I know it will be good. Plus its not bad to start with a good looking woman on your site. Sorry for sounding like I'm forty.


Andy Patch, who will be treating us to some of his alright art work. Sort of like a comic strip, but with no central them, probably nothing is going to make sense actually

Ben Nissen, who will be contributing some rather interesting material. I'm looking forward to what he has to offer. Sorry no failed attempts at humor on this one.



Thanks to all three of you for agreeing to try this fork in the road with me and I look forward to seeing what you have to offer.

Look for more contributing authors to be added in the near future. And if you're interesting in blogging for Dirty Cricket shoot me an e-mail and let's talk.

The Future!

The future of Dirty Cricket is going to be interesting. Right now I'm taking the first steps towards expanding this beyond just my own ramblings and turning it into a viable media outlet.

That's the plan anyway.

So first things first, I'll be welcoming some new authors onto the site to contribute their rants and ravings, so look for that. Also I'll be uploading films from time to time that you can watch here on the site or you can subscribe to the podcast and download them yourself. The idea eventually being that we will have several podcast much like you have several television shows today.

I'm sticking with Blogger for now because my skill in web design is very limited. But someday we will pack up and make the official move over to dirtycricket.net...which right now isn't much, but it will happen.

So if you've got any ideas for the site please let me know. Also let me know what you think. All though we have 0 subscribers now...anyway, look forward to that. I'm going to be working hard.